The Darkest Day in America

Today I woke up to a country I no longer know, a country that I don’t fit into anymore, a country that voted against me last night. I am gay. I am black. I am a woman. I am the things that Trump expressed his disgust towards all campaign season long. My heart hurts knowing that all of the rights and progress of the last 50 years are in jeopardy. Even in the last 8 years under President Obama’s, our nation legalized gay marriage and created universal healthcare- 2 things that have positively changed and affected my life, 2 things I know I won’t have come 2017. Just as our nation takes 2 steps forwards, under Trump’s leadership, we will be taking 10 steps back.

The worst part of it all, Americans voted for this. For him. America voted for a candidate that allows and surrounds himself with outright bigotry, hate, and ignorance. And they applaud him! They reward his hate with the highest honor in our nation.  The commentators last night on CNN said that America was able to look past these negative aspects and vote for Trump because of his desire to change the system. How can we look past this? How can we ignore his bullying? How can we ever think that Trump is a president of and for the people? He gave a victory speech about uniting the nation and being a president for all. If there is anything that he has shown us throughout his campaign season is that he is far from a voice for all. He is a voice for few. And, now that he will be president, it is foolish to think that will change. If he was elected into the white house because of his disgusting and disturbing rhetoric, why would there be any incentive to change that rhetoric now?

I understand the lure of Trump. Someone who is outside of the political sphere to come in, shake it up, and fix the broken system. But, how can you fix a system you have never experienced? How do you fix something you don’t understand? How do you fix something if you can’t even figure out what’s broken? It’s like calling an electrician to fix your sink. We wouldn’t trust someone in our home, with our money, to fix something they have never dealt with before, but we elected Trump to the highest position in our country, one of the highest positions in the world, to fix our nation. We have put the lives of millions into the hands of an electrician who’s trying to fix our sink.

I will never forget the silence that fell on our apartment last night as we watched Hillary lose the race for president. The bewilderment, the pain, the fear. We all sat in complete disbelief knowing that life as we know will never be the same. And this morning, that silence hasn’t worn off. There’s a numbness inside of me, surrounding me. Like an impenetrable dark cloud, a feeling of overwhelming sadness that I just can’t shake. My heart continues to ache and I can’t help but cry. I cry for the progress that my nation just lost. I cry because of my friends and family who voted for a man who built his campaign by attacking many Americans, by attacking me. I cry because now my fiancé and I have to get married before the end of the year because we don’t know when we might ever get that chance again. I cry because I know these next 4 or 8 years are going to be some of the darkest days our nation has seen in the modern era. I cry because I don’t think that America knows the damage they just caused.

I cry because yesterday was not only the darkest day in America, but it was the darkest day of my life. Yesterday has forever changed my path, my life.

 

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